lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
