tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
