Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
