I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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