Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
