I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
that may or may not have been my penis.
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