We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
