i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
