he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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