Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
