omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
