I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
