I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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