i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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