It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
