I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
