Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
