and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
