your thong is hanging out like whoa
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize