is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
