I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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