dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Even the bartender felt bad for me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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