Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just gift wrapped bread.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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