i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
