Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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