i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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