Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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