you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
