You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
