i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
do nipples grow back?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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