the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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