You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i came on her dog
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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