You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
