I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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