Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
