my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
