you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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