Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
