yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
