Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Randomize
