I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
