Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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