I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
