I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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