to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
