:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
