he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
