He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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