i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
