You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
