he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
