im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
