I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
