She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
