we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
