Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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