She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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