Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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