great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my phone needs a breathalizer
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
