my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
