Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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