i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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