Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
