We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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