As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You took a bar mat shot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
