he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
