i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You ruined the universe
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
