so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to have your abortion
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
