I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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